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Superstar Limo
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Are you ready to do a lot of pretending?
Pretend you just arrived at Los Angeles International Airport.
Pretend you’re the newest movie star in Hollywood.
Pretend your ride vehicle is a fancy chauffeur-driven limousine.
Pretend that your chauffeur is narrating your journey from the airport to a big
Hollywood premiere, although the ride vehicles don’t have drivers.
And pretend that people like Regis Philbin and Cindy Crawford are big Hollywood stars.
Good.
Now you’re ready to take a Superstar Limo ride.
You begin by entering through a picture of the main Los Angeles railroad station on the billboard-like facade.
For some reason, this puts you into something that looks like it could be the airport in Toontown.
You wind through the queue rather quickly, because there aren’t many other guests in line.
Now climb into your “limo” which is equipped with a video screen for each row of seats.
Pretend the video screen is a picture phone.
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Chauffeur: “Hey, aren’t you Hollywood’s newest superstar?
Please be sure to keep your arms, legs, and egos inside the limo
at all times.”
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Your picturephone rings.
Chauffeur: “There’s a collect call for you.
It’s your new agent.”
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Swifty La Rue: “Swifty here, babe. Welcome to Hollywood.
Lookin’ sensational as always.”
[he blows you a kiss]
“Listen, I’ll have your contract for you at the premiere.
Okay?
Just get to the Chinese Theater pronto, y’hear me?
Everybody’s waitin’, capiche?
Now don’t be late, babe!”
[he blows you another kiss]
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Chauffeur: “Don’t worry. We’ll get you there in time.
Our first stop is glamorous Rodeo Drive.
There’s Regis Philbin, and that’s my final answer.”
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Chauffeur: “If it isn’t vivacious Melanie Griffith and dashing Antonio Banderas.”
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Chauffeur: “And there’s Hollywood beauty Cindy Crawford.”
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Chauffeur: “The world famous Sunset Strip.
Hold your sides, everyone. It’s funnyman Tim Allen.”
Tim Allen grunts.
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Chauffeur: “Jackie Chan! Care to rumble?”
Your picturephone rings.
Swifty La Rue: “Hey, where are ya? I repeat, don’t be late. Kiss, kiss.”
[he blows two more kisses to you]
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Chauffeur: “Welcome to BelAir, where the streets are paved with
royalties and hype.
How about a map to your house, Drew Carey?”
Sponsors seeking endorsements: “Endorse our soda! Sell our sneakers!
Just sign here!”
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Chauffeur: “Pool party! Hold your breath now!”
Your picturephone rings.
Swifty La Rue: “C’mon. Be Swifty’s favorite star and get here now!”
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Chauffeur: “Malibu, where the beautiful people become even more beautiful.”
Voice from a crystal ball: “Angels, execs, producers beyond...
Give us a sign the green light is on.”
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Chauffeur: “Why, the always entertaining Cher!”
Chauffeur: “Tattoos are all the rage.
Shall I ‘ink’ you in for one?”
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Paparazzo 1: “Look up and say cheese.”
Paparazzo 2: “Show us your pearly whites!”
Paparazzo 3: “Smile for the camera!”
Paparazzo 4: “One, two, Yeeowwww!!!!”
(as he falls off his ladder)
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Chauffeur: “Everywhere you turn, there are Hollywood studios.”
First voice: “Read my script!”
Second voice: “You’ll laugh, you’ll cry!”
Third voice “Every word says you!”
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Chauffeur: “Well, this is it...”
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Chauffeur: “The premiere of your very own movie!”
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Chauffeur: “Hollywood favorite, Whoopi Goldberg!”
Whoopi: “Look! It’s Hollywood’s newest sensation.
And you know what that means, don’t you, baby?
You’ve arrived!”
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Chauffeur: “As they say in this town, ‘looks like you are
big boffo.’
And don’t let it go to your head.”
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Chauffeur: “Now there’s a familiar face,
smiling down from that billboard.”
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Your picturephone rings.
Swifty La Rue: “Congratulations, kid!
They love your movie. Wow, you are a superstar.
It’s bigtime boffo...
I see your name in lights.”
[he blows another kiss to you]
“I love ya!”
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Announcer: “Ladies and gentlemen, Hollywood’s newest
sensation!”
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Chauffeur: “Don’t you look good on camera.
Now that’s what I call a superstar!
Let me grab some popcorn, because I know I’ll be seeing a lot of you in the
movies!”
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Do you feel like a superstar now?
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Superstar Limo was one of the original attractions when Disney’s California Adventure had its grand opening on February 8, 2001.
It was the only dark ride in the park.
Expectations were high.
After all, nearby Disneyland had spectacular dark rides such as Pirates of the Caribbean and Haunted Mansion, as well as simpler dark rides that put guests into classic Disney movies.
Some guests loved Superstar Limo.
They enjoyed the entertainment industry inside jokes and the cartoon-like scenes
satirizing celebrity hangouts.
However, the majority of guests were disappointed and puzzled by the ride.
Where’s the Disney magic?
Is this the best Disney can do?
Why is Disney recommending tattoos?
Disney management closed the ride after less than one year.
Presumably, the typical guest reaction to the ride had been so negative that the park was actually stronger when the only dark ride in the park was closed.
Just before Christmas 2005, a new ride opened in the former Superstar Limo building—Monsters, Inc.: Mike & Sulley to the Rescue! The official grand opening was January 23, 2006, more than four years after Superstar Limo had quietly closed.
The former “limo” ride vehicles were repainted as Monstropolis taxi cabs.
The track layout was left unchanged.
The Monsters, Inc. ride brings scenes from the successful Disney/Pixar movie to life, although the tight spaces in the show building do not do justice to the grand spaces that the wizards at Pixar created in the movie.
Still, it’s a fun ride which most park visitors enjoy far more than Superstar Limo.
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© 2006-2007 Werner Weiss — Disclaimers, Copyright, and Trademarks
Updated August 3, 2007.
Photo of Superstar Limo exterior: 2002 by Werner Weiss (digitally edited to remove barricades).
Photo of loading area in Superstar Limo: 2001 by Allen Huffman.
Photo of beginning of Superstar Limo ride: 2001 by Allen Huffman.
Photo of Hollywood agent Swifty La Rue in Superstar Limo: 2001 by Allen Huffman.
Photo of Regis Philbin in Superstar Limo: 2001 by Allen Huffman.
Photo of Melanie Griffith and Antonio Banderas in Superstar Limo: 2001 by Allen Huffman.
Photo of Cindy Crawford in Superstar Limo: 2001 by Allen Huffman.
Photo of Tim Allen in Superstar Limo: 2001 by Allen Huffman.
Photo of Jackie Chan in Superstar Limo: 2001 by Allen Huffman.
Photo of Drew Carey in Superstar Limo: 2001 by Kevin Yee.
Photo of ornate house in Superstar Limo: 2001 by Allen Huffman.
Photo of seance parlor in Superstar Limo: 2001 by Allen Huffman.
Photo of Cher in Superstar Limo: 2001 by Allen Huffman.
Photo of paparazzi in Superstar Limo: 2001 by Allen Huffman.
Photo of studio gate in Superstar Limo: 2001 by Allen Huffman.
Photo of crowd with cameras Superstar Limo: 2001 by Allen Huffman.
Photo of premiere sign in Superstar Limo: 2001 by Allen Huffman.
Photo of Whoopi Goldberg in Superstar Limo: 2001 by Allen Huffman.
Photo of Maxiplex sign in Superstar Limo: 2001 by Allen Huffman.
Photo of billboard in Superstar Limo: 2001 by Allen Huffman.
Photo of tables along street in Superstar Limo: 2001 by Allen Huffman.
Photo of bank of televisions in Superstar Limo: 2001 by Allen Huffman.
Photo of Super Star Club entrance in Superstar Limo: 2001 by Allen Huffman.
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